(no subject)

[queenbookwench]

I used to be golden. I was successful. Glowing recommendations for grad. school. Now I feel tarnished. Have to remember I was only doing one thing then--being a student (writiing could count as a s subset of that.) Now I am trying to do about five things asnd I don't feel I am handling any of them paritcularly well. I told my therapist last week that one of the biggest things I discovered through my whole depression ordeal of last year is that it was a mistake to base so much of my identity on being successful, good at things. Guess I still need to work on that. I am applying for jobs now, and I cannot silence the voice in my head that says "You're such a fuckup. Why would anyone want to hire you?" Phyllis the Amazing Therapist says I need to work on not defaulting to the negative. She's right, but I am sitting here at my keyboard right now, crying. I know that some of this is is PMS--it's the right time, and everything is closer to the surface then. What provoked this--an email from my advisor saying he couldn't write me a recommendation "without reservation." This is hard b/c I like and admire him very much and he has always seemed to be one of my biggest supporters...

Comments

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Oh my lord, dear. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to say. But if it helps, I've been through a lot of similar stuff (especially in regards to grad school). Please email me if you need or want to talk, okay?

[ariadnesthread.livejournal.com]

Argh!

I don't know that I could say anything to make you feel any better, but I'm here for emergency coffee outings and bitch sessions.

Tried to go to Vogue to Vintage on Saturday. Got there at 4:35. Just that day, they closed at 4:30. Sigh. Went to the used bookstore instead. Bought 2 Dorothy Dunnett books I hadn't bought yet, plus a fluffy Jennifer Crusie romance and a cookbook. Not bad.

[queenbookwench.livejournal.com]

thanks guy--i don't usually do spontaneous-vent posting, but I had _just_ checked my email...and I had just gotten back from meeting him at his office, about something else, and he didn't say anything (and I had forgotten to ask). I may take both of you up on this--kellinator, it's sounds like you and wintersweet have both had pretty traumatic grad. school experiences--we should talk. Melissa, are you doing anything tonight?